Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Five months

The Czar turned five months yesterday- FIVE! Time flies when you're sleep deprived.

He's still my baby, though.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Monday, December 22, 2008

Baking with Babies

It's a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!

If you got that obscure reference, please leave me a comment.

Anyway - today I stunk my house up with Christmas cheer. I made my fabulous cheddar shortbread nuggets, and some slightly less fabulous brown sugar and oatmeal shortbread cookies. They aren't bad, the just aren't right. I might mess around with the recipe, or I might scrap the whole idea and stick with the cheddar shortbread. We'll see. All I know is I've blown through five pounds of butter today and I am tired.

And a little sick. I accidentally tasted way too much dough. And obviously I had to taste the finished products... Now I want to vomit.

The child did not make baking easy. Instead of getting it done in one fell swoop, I had to break it up into increments and hope against hope he wouldn't decide to melt down when I had a fistful of dough.

Christmas is almost here and I have the overwhelming desire to cut off communication with the outside world and sleep for three days. Naturally, I have to do the exact opposite. I have to be social and presentable, and I won't be allowed to lounge in my garden gnome pajama pants from dawn til dusk.

I think I may have to work a little harder on the Christmas cheer.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Ha! I did it!

Christmas cheer, dammit! And I'm about to make a shrinky dink "Baby's First Christmas" ornament because all the ones I've seen in stores are LAME. MamaGrouch - I think we may need to start a business to address this problem in the New Year. Let me know what you think.

I've been knitting the babe a sweater-type thing, and I'm trying my darndest to get it done for Christmas... so I've been employing the use of the many neglect-o-matic devices in our house. Sue me.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


WHY did I choose December to be my NaBloPoMo? Stupid, stupid, stupid. Too much to do, too little time to blog.

In knitting news, I have finally broken out of my hat and scarf doldrums and I am knitting a swaeter for the boy! It's totally cute and so far is turning out beautifully. It helps that it is ridiculously easy.

I'll post pics when it is finished - Monday maybe?

Friday, December 19, 2008

Not fair.

On Wednesday night a friend's son was stillborn. I learned about this early this morning and have since been on an emotional roller coaster of feeling sad, angry and incredibly blessed.

I hugged my baby extra hard this morning and I did a little heavy reading.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I did it again!

Bah. Forgot to post again. Alas...

The other day I experimented with the boy's hair - tried to make it look like there was more of it.

It didn't work.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


One of the fun things about motherhood that no one ever tells you is this:

"Spit up" is a PC term for barf.

I smell barf every single day now.

There are few things worse than raising a steaming, delicous cup of coffee to your mouth and then smelling vomit on your hand because you missed a spot on your wrist.

Monday, December 15, 2008

O Tannenbaum

MamaGrouch gave me a Christmas tree because our aforementioned sad little Charlie Brown Christmas tree is missing a foot.

Pretty, huh?

What's that? I should take a picture of all it lit up? Would that I could.

I spent an hour and a half or so straightening the branches, fluffing them, making them even, lovingly stringing the lights upon its branches... Finally, I placed it on a little end table and got ready to plug in the lights.

Me: Hon! C'mere! I'm going to light the tree!
Me: Um...
Android: You didn't test them first, did you?

And then, instead of mercilessly making fun of me, he came over, put his arm around my waist and started singing O Tannenbaum.

And that's why I love him.

Anyway, I have another set of lights in a box somewhere. At least I didn't decorate it first.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Cuddly bear or terrible lizard?

Sweet little crocheted bear, right?


Powder blue Stegosaurus/bear mutant of death.

Naturally, the Czar loves it. I think he believes it will help him in his mission to rule the world.

We're calling him Bearasaurus Rex right now, but I'm willing to entertain other suggestions. Feel free to leave a comment.

(Hint Hint.)

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Oh, hush.

So, I missed one. Big deal.

I'm in a bit of a foul mood due to a passive aggressive husband, a messy kitchen and the news of borderline high cholesterol.

I have A Klingon Christmas Carol tonight, so the nerdy good cheer will be plenty.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Here comes Santa Claus

For years I've done little, if any, preparation for Christmas. For example, last year we discovered our Christmas tree (a three foot sad little Charlie Brown lookin' thing) was missing a foot, so it stood, undecorated, against the rocking chair in the living room until mid-January. Somehow I managed to do Christmas cards, but I didn't mail them, I just handed them out as I saw people.

As a couple, Android and I have never had stockings, or special ornaments or any real Christmas traditions of our own - we've always been with his family or my family... Well, except for one year. One year we decided to be just the two of us on Christmas. I screwed up the turkey breast, and he decided we should go see King Kong. If you've seen King Kong (2005) you'll know why this was so bad.

This year, however, I'm not totally hating Christmas. The kid makes things seem bright and shiny and magical, even though he has no idea what's going on. Today I was trying to decide what book to buy him (The Night Before Christmas or A Wish for Wings that Work?) and I remembered the good old days when snow was still awesome and reindeer needed carrots to be left out for them and... well, I just generally wasn't jaded.

This year I'm going to try to start some new traditions - ones that he can look back on (when he's 27 and apathetic about all things Christmas) and remember fondly.

Tomorrow I will mail out about 3/4 of my holiday cards and a huge box of maternity clothes that I promised someone back in like, August.

I have to take this "cheer" thing slowly, you know.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Why not?

I have nothing interesting to say. I shall placate my reader(s?) with a picture of a frog face on a baby butt.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Three band-aids.

The child had his 4 month well-baby checkup today. As usual he's practically perfect in every way.

Height: 26" (90%)
Weight: 14lbs, 8oz (50%)
Head: 16 3/4" (70%)

He also got some immunizations and has three teeny band-aids on his chubby little thighs to prove it. Poor kid.

Monday, December 8, 2008


I watched this 1980 movie classic last night and have decided that if my dear son chooses to pursue the fine arts, he should go to a performing arts school like that one.

Well, maybe we could leave out the teen pregnancy.

And the many, many leotards. And the bad hair.
And the incessant disco.

And the nekkid "modeling" sessions.

You know what? There are some good science magnet schools here.

He does already own legwarmers, though.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I made that!

The hat, that is.

In related news: I just mastered the six-stitch cable. Go me.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Baby's Second Cold.

The little tyrant seems to be working on a cold. My first clue? Twin rivers of snot running from his nostrils. My second clue? The screaming.

Oh, the screaming. And yes, this is screaming.

However, his wide open howling mouth makes it easier to squirt a dropper full of tasty cherry-flavored baby Tylenol down his throat... so I can't complain too much.

I'm running on very little sleep tonight, and I'm about to go to bed and get even less sleep. Maybe I'll be more interesting tomorrow. We'll see.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Baby's First Jug Show

Tonight my kid met his daddy's crazy jug band. He was fascinated the whole time and didn't cry once!

Mommy, on the other hand, was a total bitch to everyone she cared about all night long. Sorry guys (Android, MamaGrouch). I owe you a coffee at MayDay.

I think I'm gonna have a beer and feel sorry for myself for a while.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Rhodes Scholar, I tell ya!

The kid has been rolling from his tummy to his back for a couple of weeks now, but today he rolled from his back to his belly! Well, 3/4 of the way, but it's way harder. It takes all kinds of extra muscles to roll off your back, so he's obviously gifted.

Or totally normal. Whatever.

I'll admit I'm kind of a Nazi about tummy time, though. He hated it for a long time, but unless he was screaming bloody murder I made him do ten minutes a day. I'm reaping the rewards now because he can hang out on his blanket for up to a half hour without me having to say boo to him. I put him down on his belly and when he gets bored with that he flips over and stares at the light fixture for a while. I could spend this stolen time doing housework or something, but that would be like a punishment for a job well done!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Lies! All lies!

The kid does not, in fact, have a tooth coming through.

Apparently Mother Nature thought it would be a funny trick to make little hard white bumps* pop up on your baby's gums before they start teething. You get all excited and you figure that your child is obviously way ahead of the game, and then-Poof! Gone. All gone.

He's just a toothless little guy who drools all the time.

My baby is essentially the town drunk without the booze.

*These are called eruption cysts. I would have posted a link, but I couldn't find one without scary pictures. The bump on my kid's gum wasn't nearly as scary as these were - so I'll spare you. You're welcome.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Actual Conversation - Confused Husband Edition

Me: So, I just want to make sure that if I go to knitting it won't end up like last time.

Android: What happened last time?

Me: Um. You called me and were really pissed because the boy was crying and you were mad at me.

Android: Those were extemporaneous circumstances.

Me: Wait. What?

Android: No! I'm right this time! (madly clicking to the dictionary on our dashboard)

Me: I think you mean extenuating...

Android: Extemporaneous: spoken or done without prepara... f**k you.

And just because he's cute, here's the Czar on Thanksgiving.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Four Months!

The Czar is four months old as of yesterday! Good job, buddy!

Thanksgiving weekend is a time for major changes in our household. Five years ago we got our cat Lucy (She's the devil, but we love her. Well, I do. Android - not so much).
Four years ago Android proposed (while I was watching Mean Girls in my jammies. So romantic.).
Last year, after several days of more-than-moderate drinking, I realized my period was five days late. That Sunday I peed on the test that directly led to this Thanksgiving's major milestone:

The Czar's first taste of solid food!

Do I have something on my face?

Yeah, I'll pass. Thanks, though.

No, really - My fist is hitting the spot.