Since becoming a mother I've been tossed into the world of baby clothes. They are tiny and cute and, let's face it, completely absurd.
Put an animal, any animal on a piece of baby clothing and suddenly it's supposed to be cute. The weirdest example I've ever tun into has got to be Pooh vs. the Giant Crab:
What the hell? How did a crab get into the Hundred Acre Woods? (And you smarty pantses out there who are about to tell me that there are crabs that walk around on land and hang out in forests - hush. I don't need that kind of terror in my life.)
There are bears playing basketball, and talking monkeys and frogs. There are frogs everywhere. It's like the cute version of the Plagues of Egypt.
And I love the clothes that proclaim to the reader what they are supposed to say upon viewing. It's like cue cards for ugly babies! For example, we have a hat that says "Cutie" (Oh! What a.... "Cutie"! Yessir! He's mighty "cute".") There's also "I'm so sweet" (for the colic-y babes), and "100% Lovable". You dress you baby in that the morning after a particularly horrendous night.
I prefer to think of the Czar as El Baroda. So much cooler than proclaiming to the world that he is adorable.
Oh! We also have a teeny little soft grey jacket that someone slapped a squirrel on. I like squirrels, and I like babies, but generally I avoid mixing the two. You know, rabies.
The holidays are coming, so naturally I'm afraid someone will force him to wear a sweater vest or a tiny baby suit. I hate sweater vests on grown men, so there's no way I'm making my kid wear one. In fact, he doesn't need to wear a tie until he's old enough to tie it himself.
Girl clothes are less doofy - but more pink. I'm not sure it's a good trade-off.
On the other hand, I think we're in for several more years of cricket-playing giraffes.
The New PostSecret Book
3 years ago